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“What once lost can now be found,

we were the lost but now we found” – Night Terrors of 1927

 

As what the majority of wise people always said, life is all about journey. So does finding ourselves. Finding something new from a scratch, or finding something that once gone for awhile. Some people genuinely collect what they like and don’t and put it all in one book or journal—every page resonates a lot to who they really are. Some people have the ability to talk it off, share it with anyone else. I always find it beautiful when I see someone talk about what they like with a star in their eyes, hand shaking so excitedly, and soft giggle at the end. Or when they tell about things they dislike, tossing off negative energy, being raw and pure. Isn’t it awesome that we all have a little piece of us in things on this universe?

That being said, it’s like, when you can no longer accessing me, or when I’m no longer around, I’m still sitting in my favorite seat on bus that I used to take when I was in junior high school, I’m still humming that chorus of my favorite song, and you can also find me on every paragraphs of my favorite novels.

The other things is, somehow our piece of us sometimes can go as the clock ticking. We ain’t into those Nickelodeon cartoons forever, but someday in our mid 20s at the end of our busy day, we would just come across that one scene of Spongebob and find our five-years-old soul at Sunday morning, with grin all over our face, and we would remember that feeling of joy and freedom.  Or maybe that silly song that we used to hear on repeat after our first heartbreak. Back then, it feels painfully good to hear those songs, but now maybe we would just smile at those memories, realizing our teenager-self had handled it well, even though they didn’t think so at that time. In conclusion,  I think it’s actually pretty beneficial to be reminded of what we were like, what we were aspiring to be, and sometimes reflecting on it can help us to overcome what we need to tackle today. And sometimes, the problem of growing up is.. there will be a phase when we feel like we lose ourselves.

You just wake up in the morning and feel so strange. That rhetorical question, what am I doing now? knocking your head and you just won’t answer it. And everything.. just feels.. unconnected. I don’t know how to describe it well but I think everyone had that kind of experience, maybe it due to monotonous life or indeed it’s time to feel that way. I took it as a sign to develop more about myself. I watched my comfort series and finding new songs to listen to, engaged with people.. and just don’t let myself running empty. Days later, I accidentaly see myself on the mirror while humming and casually moving my body with my favorite song at that time, and I went like, “Oh girl, I know you. Glad we meet again.”

It doesn’t have to be ‘media’ or ‘culture’ like music and movies. I assume that what we actually need sometimes is to reliving some phases in our life where we feel certain feelings, to understand that we have going through a lot of things, and it took damn long time to finally be here. We would scattered into pieces sometimes, we would feel happy as hell or nothing at all, that’s fine, ‘cause like the moon, it’s okay to not be whole every day. To lost and find way back to ourselves. We’re just human after all.